Outsourcing

On last Thursday Todd became the latest victim of outsourcing. He was made redundant by Sun Microsystems. He was completely blindsided by this. On Wednesday he had received a glowing annual review and Thursday morning he was called at home to be told he was no longer working for Sun. There is a good severance package but Todd is still hurt by losing his job. This is layoff #3 for him and it really does weigh him down.
Speaking of outsourcing. The newest tester for our company arrived from India today. I have been assured over and over that my job isn't in jeopardy but I am taking a wait and see approach. The new tester is willing to work 50 hours a week at probably 1/2 of my salary. It doesn't make me feel real safe right now.
So keep your fingers crossed for both Todd and I.
Take care.
Daria

Can't take care of one... Two on hold

Todd and I were really looking forward to attempting to get pregnant again in a few months but this weekend something happened that completely put that on hold. My medicine makes me very very tired and last Sunday the exhaustion put Lesley at risk. Todd and I usually switch of mornings on the weekend so that only one of us has to be up at the crack of dawn with Lesley. Sunday was my day and I was so tired. I convinced Lesley to watch the Elmo DVD and I fell asleep. When it was over she played Dora on the computer for a little while while I continued to snooze on the couch. Finally Lesley wanted a temporary tattoo. By now I was completely out of it... unable to even lift my head. So Lesley decided to do it herself. She got out the tattoos and the big person scissors and started cutting apart all of the tattoo. When Todd came downstairs (I am unsure why he finally came down) there was a pile of tattoos on the floor and Lesley was trying to wake me. Todd sent me back to bed and I slept till 11:50.
Later Todd told me that he was really frightened to see that I couldn't take care of Lesley. Those words hurt a lot but I know they are true. So instead of preparing for getting pregnant again that isn't going to happen now.
I was asked lately if my meds are helping me and I paused before answering. I have a hard time saying Yes to that question. I am 60 pounds heavier, unbelievably exhausted in the mornings, and depressed at how fat and ugly I have become. When I compare that to the "positives" of the meds I am unsure that meds are helping me. But the truth is Todd would leave me if I stopped taking them. So I don't really have any choice.

2 Days till SUUSI!!!!

Our family leaves Sunday morning for our one week vacation at SUUSI (Southeastern Unitarian Universalist Summer Institute) or as I affectionately call it Hippie Camp. Why hippie camp? Well UUs are very liberal, laid back people and we do a lot of tie dyeing at the camp. In fact I am actually taking a workshop called Advanced Tie Dyeing. I am also taking a workshop called "Fitness for the Unfit Female"... boy do I need this. I have gone from a size 12 to a size 18 in 6 months (thanks bipolar meds). There will also be time for photography classes and some time to just read and relax. I hope have some time to blog and post photos so check back later next week.
I hope you all have a wonderful week. Keep cool.
Daria

Super Simple Summertime FUN!!

I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July. We sure did.

I wanted to share another NO TV Activity that we rediscovered lately. SPRAY BOTTLE WATER FIGHTS. All you need is 1 hot day, 2 or more people, water only spray bottles (please do not reuse spray bottles that had chemicals in them), and water. We all had a blast.

Sometimes grief hits you like a ton of bricks

My daughter, Cassandra Anne, has been dead for over 2 years but the pain associated with her loss still creeps up on me and hits me like a ton of bricks. Last night Todd was cleaning up Lesley closet and he came in with a onesie he found that has a hold cut in it for Cassie's g-tube. He lifted it to his nose and inhaled deeply but there was not any of her essence left. It made my heart skip a beat and my eyes filled with tears thinking of her.
We have one of my favorite photos of Cassie in our bedroom and most nights I can look at it and it doesn't pain me but for the last week it has almost brought me to tears each time I see it. It just feels so unreal that we had a daughter who died. It makes me want to scream "Why us? Why her?". But we will never have those answers. We just keep moving on.

With Great Sadness

It is with great sadness we announce that our wonderful cat of 16 years, Winky Patchwork (at one point in her youth - HELLCAT) Farassat Akers, was put to sleep last night. For any of you who had seen her recently she had shrunk to a shadow of her former self. We were worried that she might have something wrong with her teeth. Last night Todd touched her neck and found a very large mass. The vet didn't have anything good to say and so the decision was made to put her down.
Winky has been a wonderful companion who saw me through some of the toughest times in my life. She protected me and kept a close eye on me. She put up with Lesley pushing her and laying on her and always know when we needed some kitty love.
Winky I love you... You were my first cat and I will always hold a very special place in my heart for you.
Rest in Peace.

Lesley Lou Loses Her First Tooth!!!!

Lesley lost her first tooth today at school. She is just over 5 years old and right on target for this milestone of childhood. Her permanent tooth has been growing in behind her baby teeth for about 2 weeks now and we were worried that the dentist was going to tell us that her baby too needed to be pulled. But 3 days ago her tooth began to wiggle until it finally popped loose today. It came home from school in a little tooth keeper box and tonight she put it under her pillow for the tooth fairy to take.


It was a gorgeous day today and at the suggestion of Nana (who we called with the great news) we set up the Dora sprinkler and got a little wet. We held hands and giggled as we ran through the cool water. It was absolutely wonderful.